Lydia
by Veroneeka Magdalene
Summary: This is a story about a girl, who got all her dreams taken away...Only to find out that we write our own dreams. Being an Exorcist doesn't mean being flawless... Right? Disclaimer: I own nothing except the OC.


A/N- I am new to this fandom and to this anime. Please, be nice and consider the fact that not everyone is a native speaker :). If there are any mistakes, I apologize. Enjoy the story and don't forget to review :)

* * *

_Minna,_

_you probably noticed by now that I am gone. I deeply apologize for doing things this way, however I can't see any other option. What is done is done and there is no changing it._

_We people often say that we are 'free'. That we have the right to choose for ourselves. No one is there to order us how to live our lives. But... is that really true? Do we truly have this freedom? Someone may say yes, I am saying no. People are very quick to judje, too quick in my opinion. If someone does something for oneself, he is immediately called selfish. We forget, that our own life, our own survival is based on selfishness. We sprout nonsense about freedom, and yet we don't hesitate to force others into situations with no other way out, except the our one. We try to justify it in front of ourselves afterwards. 'We did what we judjed to be right'. But...who for? The victim? I don't think so. We do what we judje to be best for __**ourselves.**_

_If I stayed, I would be forced to do things that would destroy me. You, my beloved nakama, would be able to do absolutely nothing, and so would I. Therefore I am leaving._

_I know that what I am doing is horrible beyond any border. My dear friends...My beloved, beloved nakama who always stood by my side... I will never be able to forgive myself for doing this. I wanted to say my goodbye to you in person, but I know I wouldn't be able to stay strong and do what must be done. I chose to play coward and leave you this letter instead. Know, that I love you all more than anything. It pains me to be unable to repay all your kindness, the kindness I never deserved. I am not a nice girl. I am not a good friend. I am a walking fuckup, sucking everyone I love into the black hole that is my shitty life._

_Lavi, my loyal companion in all the laughs. Bookman loves you, and so do I. Let your smile shine and show you the way. It is your greatest asset. Remember to always have a bit of fun, because laugh is the best medicine I know. _

_Allen, my best friend. My beloved big brother. I will forever remember our night trips to the kitchen. Whenever I needed you, you were there. Always warm. Always ready to help. I know, you want to save everyone... but the world is a bit too heavy for one pair of shoulders. You are not alone, Allen. And pain shared is pain halved. Remember, that I stand by your side, wherever you go. Take a good care of my heart, for it is only yours to keep._

_Lenalee, my beloved sister. Keep strong and kick ass, girl :) Even though I won't be near, you have my support in everything you decide to do. So stand tight and let the waves come crashin'. You will emerge. And once you do, whole world will stand in awe. _

_Kanda-san, my sparring partner. Loosen up a bit. Permanent poker face makes your facial muscles dormant and harder to move. Thank you for everything you did for me on the missions. I always knew you had a good side. I doubted it only for a few times when you tried to kill me._

_Minna, please forgive me for leaving like this. I will forever pray for you._

_I love you all_

_Lydia_

* * *

Allen stood in deserted room, the paper in his shaking hands. Tears were forming in his eyes, while he glanced once more at the only thing she left. He couldn't understand. He thought Lydia was his best friend... that she will be there forever. His eyes closed as he remembered how they met.

_Komui walked into the cafeteria, followed by a short young girl. _

_"Minna, this is Lydia." _

_The girl bowed with a soft smile._

_"She is general Cross's disciple."_

_Allen cringed. He clearly remembered the __time with his master... too clearly. He still had nightmares, even though he was living in Headquaters for quite a time. He refused to imagine what the poor girl had to go through in order to earn money. The poor thing shivered when Master's name was mentioned, undoubtedly remembering the hell. _

_"I hope you will make her feel welcomed." With that, Komui turned and walked away. The girl, Lydia, awkwardly looked around, unsure what to do. After a while, she walked over to Allen's table. _

_"Umm...May...May I sit down?...sir...senpai?"_

_Allen looked up from his mountain of food with a sweet smile._

_"Of course, miss."_

And that is where their friendship has begun. Soon they found out, that they had a lot in common. They were unseparable like siam twins. Whether it was a mission in Spain or a nightly visit of Jerry's kitchen, Lydia followed where Allen went. Allen started to consider her his baby sister of a sort.

_They were on a mission with Lavi. Allen was quite hungry and Lydia has already agreed to go somewhere to eat together. Impatient and ready to go, he bursted into the redhead's room. _

_"Lavi, we are going to grab some-" He stopped in the middle of the sentence. As his brain slowly started to accept what his eyes were seeing, angry marks appeared on his forehead. When Lavi turned, he could swear there were horns on Allen's head._

_"Lavi...would you care to enlighten my stupid self and explain what you were doing?"_

_The red haired exorcist started to sweat._

_"Well?!"_

_"Allen? What's going on? Why do you glare at Lavi?" Lydia suddenly appeared in the room._

_Lavi turned white._

_"Lydia. Look at his hand." Allen pointed towards the other boy._

_Lydia confusedly looked where Allen was pointing. "Huh? Allen, I don't see- Wait. Are those mine?!" Her eyes narrowed._

_Fuck white. Lavi started to change colours like a human rainbow._

_Allen chuckled evilly. _

_"Well, well, well. Someone's going to get his ass kicked, eh, Lavi? That's what you get for messing with my sister, you know."_

He loved her more than anyone else, his little imouto. There was absolutely nothing he wouldn't do for her, and she knew that.

So why? Why would she run away? And why would she leave him behind?

She said she loved him. Were those just phrases? She had him wrapped around her little finger. If she had asked, he wouldn't hesitate one bit.

He would go to the edge of the world with her.

"Lydia...my sweet Lydia." Tears were rolling down his cheeks.

"Allen-kun?" Lenalee stopped at the door. Her eyes widened when she noticed the state of the room.

"So she had really left us, our Lydia." Her voice was soft.

"Hai, Lenalee-san. She had really left us." Allen's hand stretched towards the girl, giving her the letter.

Lenalee took it and started to read. When she finished, her eyes were wet and her lips trembled.

"May god forgive her for abandoning her family."

Allen's head shot upward.

"May god forgive her," Lenalee continued, "for I never will. Does she really think that low of us? Taking all the burden... when we are there, ready to help? Stupid, selfish Lydia!"

Strong hands enveloped her."I don't like it either, Lenalee-san. But I know Lydia more than anyone. She would never leave without a reason..."

Silence was the only answer.

* * *

Short girl walked through a small village, searching for an inn to stay at. Her brown hair were hidden under a dark cape, avoiding the chance of anyone recognizing her, as slim as it was. She fought in that village before, when she still had the right to fight. '_Allen... Lenalee... Lavi... Everyone... You probably found my letter by now. You must hate me... Risking your lives to save mine... Unforgivable.' _

She felt horribly...weak.

She hated feeling weak.

Ever since her birth, she was of no use to anybody. No one needed her. No one wanted her. She was just a child, after all. Who would need a child? Her parents wouldn't. She was just an accident. A mistake, made in the haziness of passion.

_"You destroyed my life!"_

She willed the tears to go away.

_"You are my biggest mistake!"_

How many times she heard those words... how many times they pierced her heart...

_"Useless brat! You are nothing but trouble!"_

She thought they couldn't affect her anymore. She was stronger than that.

_"I should have killed you when I had the chance!"_

And yet... she still trembled. Every time, every word. Stinging like a slap.

Her breath was coming in gasps.

_Defeated._

_Broken by pain._

_Pain in my mind... pain in my body..._

It hurt. Everything hurt.


End file.
